It’s my first Mother’s Day as a mumma. I’m thinking breakfast in bed, lazing around in PJs, (or changing into slightly nicer ‘day PJs’—just me?), someone else sorting out meals (yes, Uber counts), bringing tea or coffee or wine or all three.
I always dreamed of the day when I would have my own little baby and join that group of hard-working, tired and tireless mummas. When I could celebrate my own motherhood with mugs of lukewarm coffee and a treasured macaroni necklace made by tiny hands with so much pride and love.
As caregivers, we have one of the hardest jobs in the entire world. We are always, and I mean always, putting someone else first, and our own needs take a backseat. We put so much pressure on ourselves and sometimes on each other too.
As a working mum, I am still trying to find a balance between work, life, and this ‘new normal.’ At first, I didn’t realise the immense pressure I was putting on myself—feeling like I wasn’t perfect because I didn’t meet the idealism I had of motherhood. Social media played a big part, but I also just needed to ask honest questions of other women to understand that in reality, no one was getting it just right every day.
We do the best we can, and that is all we should be asking of ourselves, not comparing to others on social media. So much gets left unsaid and unposted. As a self-confessed perfectionist, nothing could have prepared me for how motherhood would affect me.
I have learned that I need to focus on one day at a time, especially with our current “new normal.”
Here is what that day might look like.
6:30am- wake up with Ziya, make tea
7am- nappies, morning play, get ready for work (currently, day PJs. As above). Attempt to go to the toilet without a baby clinging to me. Give up.
7:30am- eat brekky while dressing baby for childcare. Reheat tea.
8am- drop at childcare
8:15am- back in the office, still trying to drink same cup of tea. How is it cold again?
8:15-10am- working through and responding to emails
10am-12pm- ticking off my always-expanding to-do list (have I mentioned I love a good list, I have 1 for every day, you should see my ones crated for when we travel!)
12-2pm- Contact retailers and suppliers
(Lunch might occur anywhere between 12 and 6pm… “Linner” is definitely a thing. Embrace it.)
2-4:45pm- Work on product design, upcoming planners for all aspects of our buisinesses and Uni work on uni work (yes, in the midst of everything I have decided to go back and further my education with an Advanced Certificate – something I have thought about but now commenced)
5pm- pick up Ziya
5:30pm- We cook dinner as a family and sit to eat with Ziya, music on, dance time encouraged.
6-7pm- bath time, books, and cuddles
7:30- little man is asleep
Then my husband and I get to eat, talk about our days, and be together.
And repeat next day.
It can be tiring, but I would not change a thing.
I was blessed to have great role models and strong women growing up. My mum, sisters, mother-in-law, and grandmothers showed me the way and helped me to be the mum and woman I am.
On this day of celebrating some of the most loving, overworked people on the planet, I also want to send special love to the grandparents, in-laws, dads, uncles and aunts, friends, foster parents—everyone who plays mum to someone. And to those of us who have lost someone, either a parent or a child, this day is for you too.
Mother’s Day 2020 will be a strange one, no question about it. A lot of us are separated from our mums or maternal figures right now. No brunches out or family lunches with all the extended relatives. It will be hard, but you are a mama, and so you can handle this and anything else.
When I was pregnant, I told myself I would not give up my own identity just because I had a baby. It would just add to it. Then came the 2am feeds and nappy changes, the sleepless nights, mystery rashes, panicked calls to the doctor or my family, and baths and books and bedtimes. Wiping tiny nose and tiny bum.
My identity will never be the same again. Because I am now his and I have been given the best gift-- he is mine too. I feel so honoured he picked me.
Happy Mother’s Day. I hope you celebrate and are celebrated. In a quiet, beautiful way. And I hope you know you are special.
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